Body shamed by a friend

JC was tough. Not just academically, but (I’ll have to admit), socially. My friend… was also kinda my bully. She denigrated my thin frame occasionally, when our mutual friends weren’t around to witness and put a stop to it. Despite her knowledge that I have absolutely no eating disorders and my thinness is merely genetic, she still continued with her verbal abuse. What depressed me most was not the insults she so abrasively and insensitively hurled at me. It was the fact that I knew that body shaming is so fucking not cool; it is not just a personal attack but also an attack on the community of people who actually or potentially have eating disorders. It was also the fact that despite my support for body positivity, I was so fucking weak that I didn’t really defend myself . Mostly I just kept quiet and ignored her. But, my mind was screaming so loudly for her to stfu and stop thin-shaming. I couldn’t express my annoyance then. Why? I always ask myself, even till this day. It bothers me, a lot. It nags at me, even. Was I really so afraid of social repercussions that I couldn’t ask my friend to stop? Was I really so intimidated by her that I couldn’t defend myself? Was I so fucking weak? Was I just thinking too much and being a perfectionist? Maybe her intention was to be helpful and to be aware of my own body? But.. did I really think that body shaming is ok if ignorance is the cause of it? Ofc not, but what is not ok is that I left it as it was, hanging, without addressing her ignorance. This haunts me still.

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